I think I’m Having a Mental Breakdown…

I don’t even know where to begin with this post.

My mind feels like it has been going 90 Mph over the past few days.

I feel like my emotions have emotions at the moment and I swear I have never felt like this before, EVER.

I spent the entire weekend having an emotional breakdown. I would just break into tears for the most stupid things! I wasn’t going to tell anyone this, but looking back now I find it rather hilarious… On saturday, Arua and I were invited to a party. All I wanted to do was crawl up into a ball of emotion and cry, so I told him to go to the party and come back to collect me in a little while. So that is what he did. When he returned, I got out of bed, looking like an absolute scruff and walked towards the wardrobe. NOTHING, absolutely nothing to wear *In reality there was plenty of lovely things to wear, but did I want to wear them?? HELL NO*. I turned around to Arua and asked “Are the girls at the party all dressed up?”… “Ehhh, Yeah I suppose” he replied. “Are they wearing High Heels?”… “Yep” – And that’s when it happened.
I burst into tears!! “I can’t do this!!” I sobbed :P
Like what in the name of God??? I was crying because I didn’t want to wear high heels??

FOR GODS SAKE JESS! CONTROL YOURSELF WOMAN!

But the thing is, i’m just feeling a little complicated, you see, I have 2 weeks left in Brazil. 1 week left in Arua’s home town of Itauna, and then we fly off to Recife for 1 week. But the truth is, Arua’s home has become home for me too. And i’m kind of heart broken that I have to leave. His family have welcomed me into their homes with nothing but open arms and an endless supply of love and hugs. BUT… I get to see my friends and family after 6 long months!! I can’t even begin to explain how excited I am to see them in 2 weeks time! It’s only when you spend time away, you begin to realize how special they are, and how lucky you are for the little things in life.

Some days I start to miss the most simple things, like having dinner with my family, my dogs jumping on me when I take them out for a walk, my little brother shouting down the stairs for me to come up and give me a goodnight kiss (*I’m getting a little teary eyed again!*)
- Just the other day, Arua said “You’d really miss seeing Darragh walk around the house with his headphones on wouldn’t you?” (Darragh is my 16 year old brother, who seems to have a set of headphones permanently glued to his ears) – But its true, I miss my little brother and his crazy teenage shenanigans!  :P (Darragh, if you are reading this, I love you and I really miss your earphone glued ears!)

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How could I not miss my family?? They are the only people who are truly as Crazy as I am!!

A second photo of our madness incase the 1st wasn't convincing enough!

A second photo of our madness incase the 1st wasn’t convincing enough!

So there you have it, that’s why I am feeling ‘complicated’ – I don’t want to leave Brazil, yet I can’t wait to go home to Ireland. AHHHHH I just want to put my emotions in a room and lock them there for as long as possible…Have you ever felt this way? Or am I just some kind of crazy freak? :P

Its 2 weeks until I am reunited with my wonderful yet extremely crazy family, but it will also be the end of the most amazing adventure I have ever been on! I am such a lucky girl to be able to call Brazil, my home away from home :)

Now its time to try to contain my emotions and enjoy my last 2 weeks in this incredible country! 2013-07-24_22-21-41_HDR

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Posted on September 11, 2013, in Brazil, Travel Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. I absolutely know how you feel- I felt that way when it was time for me to leave France thee first time. It is a very difficult transition, and very bittersweet. I wish I could offer advice, but I don’t have any. Just savor your last moments in Brazil. Hugs!

    • Your right Rachel, there’s not much advice to give other than to enjoy it :) Its an inevitable change, so I have to learn to deal with the emotions I have. I was just so surprised at how quickly it all happened. Like one day I was as happy as Larry, next day I cant control my tears? Emotions are a crazy thing :P

  2. Very nice post. Crazy how the sub-conscious handles changes! Logic seems to elude the emotional mind!

    • Thanks Michael :) Absolutely, I felt completely controlled by my emotions, as if I coudln’t control them at all! No matter how hard I tried, they came down on me like a tonne of bricks. Sometimes you have to allow yourself to feel this way, let your sub-conscious take some time to release. God knows I needed it :P

  3. And your crazy family can’t wait to see you with you head glued into your laptop blogging! Xxxxxx looking forward to getting a big hug from one of the worlds best huggers. (That’s you :)

  4. Ahhhhhh Jesso we all just want you back to have more crazzzzy times and hug the bejapers out of you we loooooove you gap year guru……

  5. Count me in on your hugs list !! Xxx

  6. Oh goodness, I have so had those times when I’m trying to find something to wear but everything is infuriating me, and of course it’s never about the actual clothes! At least you recognize it and are trying to just relax and enjoy your remaining time in Brazil.

  7. Jessica,
    Transitions are always a challenge. Just settle back and enjoy every interaction. I remember leaving my hometown for my first sabbatical – I cried as I left friends and family and then I cried when I came back because I loved life on the road. There are a load more adventures on your path. Just tuck your Brazil and new friends and family into your heart. They’ll be with you everywhere.

    • What a lovely comment! Thank you Sara :)
      Its true, you just have to soak in the moment and enjoy where you are. I just came home to Ireland and although I am upset about leaving, it feels so lovely to be home. I know there will be many more adventures in the future for me to look forward to <3

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